then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
