I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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