bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have post one night stand depression
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
