I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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