I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Mom said you looked used
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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