i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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