you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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