You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
