Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
