How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
