I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
