I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
