woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
