We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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