i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
