Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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