I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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