just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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