his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can I color on your dick again?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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