the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
