i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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