I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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