The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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