So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
