$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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