a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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