I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
