I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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