hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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