Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
