I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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