The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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