chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
