just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
