Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
