Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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