I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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