90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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