piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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