We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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