he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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