I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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