Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
