I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
