You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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