I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
