ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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