I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
