The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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