Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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