mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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