First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
