omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
