well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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