Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
