it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
