id be glad to
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
