That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
