did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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