idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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