The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
