I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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