Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
