You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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