True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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