you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
