we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
