my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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