those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
